So I nearly didn't go. Managed to do the 'better just do this 1st' thing, and then was late, then drove around the block a bit — thinking of excuses why I should just go home instead. Nevertheless, I made it through the door. And even opened my mouth. Big gold star for me then.
It really is difficult to put into words how difficult I found it to go back. In part my confidence and assuredness previously, in part that each time I relapse seems harder to explain, or justify, to myself, and partly just the shame of drinking, and knowing I should know better.
There were 3 groups I was regularly going to - Saturdays, Mondays, and tonight's - and each will be just as difficult. However one thing I do have to remember is "Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints."
Which happily was being read out just as I walked in!