Just a quick note really, as I haven't written anything for a while...
Things continue to go well!
Showing posts with label Personal development. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal development. Show all posts
Sunday, 15 August 2010
Sunday, 1 August 2010
Day 42... (and still here!)
So it has been a while since I last wrote an entry, but for once no news is good news!
I have done Step 3, and have been living it for a couple of weeks, praying and just observing life.
I have had three very manic, and fulfilling, weeks of teaching. As it was my 1st job there was a lot of planning for me to do, so I had to put in a lot more hours than otherwise would have been necessary. I also housesat for my sister (a house, 3 cats and 5 foreign students!), so I really was keeping busy.
It is not very long ago, 43 days to be precise, that I wouldn't have been able to do this, or moreover couldn't be relied on to.
It is wonderfully to be able to be a constructive, helpful, giving member of my both family and my community. For all changes I had to make and battles I need to win, I also had to add to my self-esteem and sel-confidence; working, having people look up to me, being responsible for others has been a revelation.
Not only have I enjoyed what I have been doing I have thrived at it.
I have done Step 3, and have been living it for a couple of weeks, praying and just observing life.
I have had three very manic, and fulfilling, weeks of teaching. As it was my 1st job there was a lot of planning for me to do, so I had to put in a lot more hours than otherwise would have been necessary. I also housesat for my sister (a house, 3 cats and 5 foreign students!), so I really was keeping busy.
It is not very long ago, 43 days to be precise, that I wouldn't have been able to do this, or moreover couldn't be relied on to.
It is wonderfully to be able to be a constructive, helpful, giving member of my both family and my community. For all changes I had to make and battles I need to win, I also had to add to my self-esteem and sel-confidence; working, having people look up to me, being responsible for others has been a revelation.
Not only have I enjoyed what I have been doing I have thrived at it.
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Results
I did Step 2 on Sunday. I got offered a job on Monday. (There is a God!)
The day after the world cup ended, which for me couldn't have been more perfect, I get a job!
So the last week has been satisfying busy*! I am now teaching, and next week I will also be hosting 5 students on behalf of my sister.
The downside, is that I havent been to a meeting for a week, and will struggle for the next week too. That said, I will be meeting my sponsor tomorrow, and we will be tackling Step 3.
So happy - if rather busy - days. I know I need to remain grounded, but I am so pleased that for once things are coming together. I can look back over the last couple of weeks, of the progress, and be truly thankfully for what this program and its members have given me.
*In fact rather manic - my first teaching job, there have been hours and hours of lesson planning, and a fair bit of nerves!
The day after the world cup ended, which for me couldn't have been more perfect, I get a job!
So the last week has been satisfying busy*! I am now teaching, and next week I will also be hosting 5 students on behalf of my sister.
The downside, is that I havent been to a meeting for a week, and will struggle for the next week too. That said, I will be meeting my sponsor tomorrow, and we will be tackling Step 3.
So happy - if rather busy - days. I know I need to remain grounded, but I am so pleased that for once things are coming together. I can look back over the last couple of weeks, of the progress, and be truly thankfully for what this program and its members have given me.
*In fact rather manic - my first teaching job, there have been hours and hours of lesson planning, and a fair bit of nerves!
Saturday, 10 July 2010
Step 2
Ok, I have finished reading We Agnostics, which was my suggested reading for Step 2, and I had a lot of identification.
I have just re-read what I wrote under 'We Agnostics', and I was amazed at how much there was in common. From my intellectually mocking of organised religion and blind faith, to my faith in reason and what can be empirically deduced. Also, having been open-minded, or had exposure to spiritual/ religious experiences earlier on in life, but having rejected them in later life.
So far, my recovery has been rooted in knowledge and understanding of addiction. I know about relapse cycles, old behaviours, I have had a chance to analyse my feeling and my past. Yet this, so far, hasn't got me very far. I need something extra to help guide me, give me the strength, and instill a sense of purpose. I have come to strongly believe that I will find this through a higher power. It is not something I can switch on, but it is something I can open my heart and mind to.
And I have. So last night, I got on my knees and prayed: as it says in the book "Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him."
I have just re-read what I wrote under 'We Agnostics', and I was amazed at how much there was in common. From my intellectually mocking of organised religion and blind faith, to my faith in reason and what can be empirically deduced. Also, having been open-minded, or had exposure to spiritual/ religious experiences earlier on in life, but having rejected them in later life.
So far, my recovery has been rooted in knowledge and understanding of addiction. I know about relapse cycles, old behaviours, I have had a chance to analyse my feeling and my past. Yet this, so far, hasn't got me very far. I need something extra to help guide me, give me the strength, and instill a sense of purpose. I have come to strongly believe that I will find this through a higher power. It is not something I can switch on, but it is something I can open my heart and mind to.
And I have. So last night, I got on my knees and prayed: as it says in the book "Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him."
Thursday, 8 July 2010
We Agnostics
Ok, I am doing Step 2, and I have a query: What about We Fully-Paid-Up-Richard-Dawkins-Brand-of-Atheists?!
How have other people, atheists, got beyond this point? (I think this is where we Brits differ from our American cousins: church attendance in this country is a minority rather than a majority.)
As a child I was very spiritual. My mother was into Buddhism when I was very young, and this is something that has stayed with me, but this is more of a philosophy, a way of life, than religion (i.e. the idea of a god in Buddhism is somewhat irrelevant*). Later in life I grew interested in Hinduism, but in my early 20s I rejected it - along with any other god based rhetoric - and have ever since rejected any notion of god.
So how do I get past this point? As the book says "we found ourselves thinking, when enchanted by a starlit night, "who then made all this?" There was a feeling of awe and wonder, but it was fleeting and soon lost". Well no, not really - I just thinking big-bang, hydrogen, light waves… ('wow, bet he's romantic'!!!)
So how do I get in touch with that lost sense of spirituality I had up till my teens? Haven't got an answer for that, but one thing is for sure - I am willing to try. And as someone once said**, he was asked "what you would like God to be?" He wrote down a lists of things, was then told "you can begin with that!".
So that is what I will be doing - write a list of what this higher power will be to me. My list, my god. I just hope I can rekindle that wonderment of yesteryear…
I would love to hear from anyone who has struggled with the idea of a god, or a higher power, and how you came to move beyond it.
*At least that is my reading of it, I do not profess to be an expert (and indeed I refer to Theravada Buddhism, other strands do have more 'mystic' elements, e.g. the more well-known Tibetan Buddhism)
** Charlie and Joe do an excellent read through and interpretation of the Big Book, it can be found HERE.
How have other people, atheists, got beyond this point? (I think this is where we Brits differ from our American cousins: church attendance in this country is a minority rather than a majority.)
As a child I was very spiritual. My mother was into Buddhism when I was very young, and this is something that has stayed with me, but this is more of a philosophy, a way of life, than religion (i.e. the idea of a god in Buddhism is somewhat irrelevant*). Later in life I grew interested in Hinduism, but in my early 20s I rejected it - along with any other god based rhetoric - and have ever since rejected any notion of god.
So how do I get past this point? As the book says "we found ourselves thinking, when enchanted by a starlit night, "who then made all this?" There was a feeling of awe and wonder, but it was fleeting and soon lost". Well no, not really - I just thinking big-bang, hydrogen, light waves… ('wow, bet he's romantic'!!!)
So how do I get in touch with that lost sense of spirituality I had up till my teens? Haven't got an answer for that, but one thing is for sure - I am willing to try. And as someone once said**, he was asked "what you would like God to be?" He wrote down a lists of things, was then told "you can begin with that!".
So that is what I will be doing - write a list of what this higher power will be to me. My list, my god. I just hope I can rekindle that wonderment of yesteryear…
I would love to hear from anyone who has struggled with the idea of a god, or a higher power, and how you came to move beyond it.
*At least that is my reading of it, I do not profess to be an expert (and indeed I refer to Theravada Buddhism, other strands do have more 'mystic' elements, e.g. the more well-known Tibetan Buddhism)
** Charlie and Joe do an excellent read through and interpretation of the Big Book, it can be found HERE.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
Pride
What is pride? Or more importantly for me, what is pride to someone in recovery?
'Pride' is something I have always thought of as a good thing: taking pride in something I've done, and so on. Yet pride, in this stage of my life, is now deemed a negative thing, and I can see why.
It is pride that stops me asking for help, it is pride that stops me admitting when I am struggling, and it is pride that hinders my return to the rooms after a relapse.
Over the last few months I have had cause to contemplate why I have kept ending up in the same place: drinking once again.
Its not for lack of knowing better. When I very 1st came into recovery I spent a year in rehab, and I have now spent months and months attending meetings - I have knowledge, I am self aware, of both my behaviours and their consequences, in short I know right for wrong.
I was talking to a friend last night, explaining as best I could the recent pattern (revolving door). When I said I wasn't good at being open and talking about my problems she disagreed. Then and there it occurred to me, I can in hindsight very happily exclaim how I felt why I did what I did, but at the time is when I struggle: I hate to admit I am finding things difficult, that I am struggling, or that I need help.
And that is where my pride has fine from being a good thing to a bad thing. We all need help from time to time, I would be there for someone if they put their hand out to me:I just need to learn to put my own outonce in a while.
'Pride' is something I have always thought of as a good thing: taking pride in something I've done, and so on. Yet pride, in this stage of my life, is now deemed a negative thing, and I can see why.
It is pride that stops me asking for help, it is pride that stops me admitting when I am struggling, and it is pride that hinders my return to the rooms after a relapse.
Over the last few months I have had cause to contemplate why I have kept ending up in the same place: drinking once again.
Its not for lack of knowing better. When I very 1st came into recovery I spent a year in rehab, and I have now spent months and months attending meetings - I have knowledge, I am self aware, of both my behaviours and their consequences, in short I know right for wrong.
I was talking to a friend last night, explaining as best I could the recent pattern (revolving door). When I said I wasn't good at being open and talking about my problems she disagreed. Then and there it occurred to me, I can in hindsight very happily exclaim how I felt why I did what I did, but at the time is when I struggle: I hate to admit I am finding things difficult, that I am struggling, or that I need help.
And that is where my pride has fine from being a good thing to a bad thing. We all need help from time to time, I would be there for someone if they put their hand out to me:I just need to learn to put my own outonce in a while.
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