Monday, 14 June 2010

Oh yeah...

So having done my (in my head at least) ever so clever sounding intro, I thought I should actually explain how I feel.

Like shit.

In a nutshell that pretty much sums it up.

Ok, so firstly - I had my fill of beer last night: so my head hurts. My body wants it fill of beer now: so it hurts.

Not only that (and perhaps more importantly) all the niggling doubts and fears, worries and responsibilities which I have so far ignored are looming in the back of my head - all voices which I would much rather drown out with vast amount of ethanol.

A responsibility left untended becomes a problem.

Ok, so my personal finances - my unfettered pursuit of drink tends to lend itself to the poor maintenance of my personal finances. Which in other words means the cheques are about to bounce. I received a letter from the council about unpaid fines, a letter from my bank about unpaid bills, and a letter from a debt agency about unpaid fees. Not good.

Friendships (and indeed relationships) have been equally poorly maintained. Wow, that's an epic understatement. You probably know more for what I have written so far than my friends do of where and how I have been recently.

And lastly, this is the 1st time I have been here. Picking myself up and starting again, and therefore not the 1st time I have said "I'm not going back 'there' again". So it feels pretty shit, whether its to an old friend a room of strangers, having to go in and say "this went wrong, this is what I am going to do this time" and "it will work", (especially when I am struggling to believe it myself).

It kinda sucks having to hold my hands up and say - I fucked up, again. (But it won't happen again!)

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