Ok, I have finished reading We Agnostics, which was my suggested reading for Step 2, and I had a lot of identification.
I have just re-read what I wrote under 'We Agnostics', and I was amazed at how much there was in common. From my intellectually mocking of organised religion and blind faith, to my faith in reason and what can be empirically deduced. Also, having been open-minded, or had exposure to spiritual/ religious experiences earlier on in life, but having rejected them in later life.
So far, my recovery has been rooted in knowledge and understanding of addiction. I know about relapse cycles, old behaviours, I have had a chance to analyse my feeling and my past. Yet this, so far, hasn't got me very far. I need something extra to help guide me, give me the strength, and instill a sense of purpose. I have come to strongly believe that I will find this through a higher power. It is not something I can switch on, but it is something I can open my heart and mind to.
And I have. So last night, I got on my knees and prayed: as it says in the book "Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him."
So very true. At first my HP was the group, then my sponsor, and now God. It is a miracle to feel free to turn my will and cares over to the God of my understanding.
ReplyDeleteAs Syd said, anything that you can point to as a "power greater than." I also said, in meetings, "the sky, the ocean, or the pop machine down in the lobby that ate your quarter."
ReplyDeleteLeft to my own devices, I could have never gone ten minutes clean, much less ten years, ego, there must be something greater than myself.
My two all-time favorite words in the steps are "care", and "only."
Continued success to you on your shared journey.
Hi Syd, James. Thanks for the comments. Things have really turned around in the last few days - so I am already grateful!
ReplyDeleteThis post would be great for the SteppersWisdom blog carnival. If you want to submit it, you can find a link on my website.
ReplyDeleteThere is no obligation to you by submitting the post. It would only be permission to put a link and brief description of this post at the SteppersWisdom site the day the carnival is posted. The purpose is to help people find blogs like this.
If you want more information, contact me and I will be happy to fill you in on what the carnival is about.
Hi Shen, thanks. Yeah that sounds good. I starting doing this to verbalise it, for myself, if it could help someone brilliant. I am certainly not worried about it being reproduced etc...
ReplyDeleteThanks for submitting. Feel free to let others know - especially if you see an article that might be good to share. You can submit more than one from your blog, as well.
ReplyDeletepeace