First of, I have a bit of a dilemma. When I returned to 'the rooms' 8 days ago, one of things I really struggled with was coming to terms with the fact I had relapsed, again, and see the people I had met from before.
When I bumped into my sponsor, with whom I had previously met up with just the once (he outlined the requirements for step one, and then I relapsed before we met up again), he didn't really remember me, and assumed he had agreed to be my sponsor, but we hadn't met up yet.
This for me is a relief, as it allows me to avoid the feelings of having started, stopped, and failed. I feel a little dishonest letting this self-serving assumption slide: so I shall point this out when we meet tomorrow.
Secondly, last night when I was t a meeting, a few people mentioned the benefits of a gratitude list. So this is my gratitude list, all the things I am thankful for today:
- My health. There isn't anything wrong with me today, I have my health and all my limbs. Can't ask for more than that.
- Where I live, I live in a lovely house, in central Hove, with lovely people. It is warm, secure, and has everything I need (except hot water at the mo!)
- My parents, and my family. Who have stuck by me through thick and thin. They only want the best for me, are incredibly patient and forever understanding.
- My friends. I have a wonderful support network that - should I choose to, and I should more often - will be there for me whenever I need them
- My education and skills. I am fortunate enough to have qualifications that mean I can go out and find work. Many people come out of addiction with a lot of catching up to do. I have now got my TEFL qualification, with which I can teach, and even travel the world.
- I am financially secure. While there are a couple of problems I need to sort out, they are solvable.
- I live in a society that is able and willing to help me. I can get support from both the government and groups like AA, that will help me get my life back on track.
- I have a car, and a clean license - I have freedom, and even better job prospects because of this.
- The weather is stunning at the moment. Which makes living by the sea especially wonderful.